Nothing
by Katie of Gryffindor
Summary: A scourned lover contemplates a night of love spent together that has lead him to this. He is nothing... (slash)


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DISCLAIMER: I don't own the pair in this fic. Oh, how I wish I did… 

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Author's Notes: This is pretty angsty. And some of it is a bit explicit. It's also slash, so no like-y, no read-y. And it was inspired by the title of one of the fics I read last night… "Did it really mean nothing to you?" by FireSphinx. So I hope you don't mind, FireSphinx, that I kinda swiped a smidge of an idea. Anyway… I'm rambling now. As always, I hope you all like it. Enjoy. Embrace. Review.

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Nothing

By Katie of Gryffindor

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Am I nothing?

Do I mean nothing?

I thought I meant something. 

I thought I meant something to you. 

But I guess I was wrong.

Once, I thought I knew I meant something to you. I thought that sex was worth more than just the act and the resulting pleasure. I thought the flash in your eyes, my name on your lips, the nails dug into my flesh… I thought that was worth something.

Apparently, I thought wrong.

I thought I was more to you than just a good fuck. I thought my body was more than just a piece of meat. I thought you actually gave a damn. 

I was way off.

Look at you. 

You walk around this school knowing that if you even want a snack, all you have to do is say so and your bloody minions will be off and planning a feast in your honor. You break a nail and the whole school goes into mourning. Merlin forbid you have a hair out of its position. No, we can't have that.

I remember that night perfectly. Every once in a while, I go to that room you took me to. I know you won't ever be there. I always plan it that way.

I remember what you looked like underneath me. Your hair wasn't perfect that night. Then again, maybe it was. It was splayed wildly across the sheets, the color standing out even more against those contrasting sheets on the bed. I remember that look of lust and desire in your eyes. I nearly drowned in your eyes.

I still have scars in my back from where you dug in to pull my closer. I watch as you shuddered to completion just seconds after I released myself into you. 

I collapsed next to you and set my head on your sweat-drenched chest. You told me I was amazing. You ran your fingers through my own sex-mussed hair. I lay there listening to your heartbeat slowing and thought to myself the one thing that did me in.

I loved you.

I still do. I knew that night that the sex we had was not just a fly-by-night affair for me. 

I had fallen in love. 

A short while later, you were ready for more.

More mind-blowing sex. You were inside me that time. My God, it was even better this way. You pounded away at me, and I screamed your name over and over again. In my head, I thanked all the gods in the heavens that we put up that silencing charm. Neither of us lasted as long as the first time. We came as one and you pulled out soon after. 

Your head hit the pillows next to mine and you stared at me, basking in the afterglow. I thought there was love shining in those beautiful orbs of yours. But I suppose I was wrong.

Looking back now, when I compare that gaze to the rest you've set upon me, the closest match I've found is your look of satisfaction.

That's all?

No happiness? No more desire? No more lust? 

Just satisfaction?

We woke up together the next morning. During the night, our unclothed bodies sought each other for warmth. I remember waking up with your arms around me. Encircling me, as though you ere protecting me from some Dark Force or another. You woke up soon after. A moment or two later, you got out of bed and dressed, leaving me cold and lonely.

Later that day, you treated me exactly the same as you always had. The same sneer as you called me by my surname. The same angry looks. The same malicious remarks. The same careless brush-off. I had not meant anything to you.

That night, I saw you leading some random fifth-year to the same room you'd taken me to not twenty-four hours before. _That's our place!_ my head screamed. I couldn't believe you would share that room with another.

And so _soon._

I hope you at least changed the sheets…

I know now that the night with you was my downfall. I know that I fell in love with you that night. I know my life will never be the same because of that one night filled with passion. 

I don't think I want life to go back to the way it was…

I definitely don't if it means giving up that one amazing night. 

Except…

I don't want to be nothing anymore.

Am I really nothing?

This morning, you caught my eye across the Hall. Instead of the instant sneer that always falls into place on that beautiful face, there was the flash of something else. Was it-? No, not a smile. Not for me.

Here I am, walking off to my dorms and thinking about you. Again. I am always thinking of you.

Wishing I weren't nothing.

What was that?!?

Merlin!

Damn you, you scared me! Coming out of the shadows like that. Damn you for being so beautiful. You're staring at me. Why?

I ask you what you want. 

"To talk."

We fall into step together. I chuckle and remind you that you usually use that as a pick-up line. You're defensive now. Damn you for being adorable when you're defensive.

So you really want to talk, then. Probably to tell me to leave you alone. Tell me to stop staring. Tell me I really _am_ nothing. 

Once we've been locked into a nearby classroom, I put on an act. I glare at you like I did back when we were still mere first-years. I demand that you tell me whatever it is so I can be on my way.

A strange look crosses your visage. Those eyes stare up at me. I could drown again. You look away after a moment and ask if I remember the night we spent together. I want to scream yes, but the little pride I have left stops me. When I answer in the affirmative, your eyes connect with mine again. You lick your lips, trying to make them say whatever you're holding back. 

I prod you along verbally, saying I don't have all night. But I do… I want nothing more than to spend another night with you.

You stare at me and finally your lips start to form the words your mind was fighting out of them. 

"That night-" You hesitate. Silently I urge you on. "That night, I-" You stop again.

This is driving me insane. Just tell me I'm nothing and get it done with, will you? I tuck a stray hair behind my ear and I miss what you mumble. I get a dirty look sent my way when I ask politely for you to repeat yourself. 

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Probably said you were a worthless pity-fuck, my minds says bitterly. But then you speak again, and at your words my heart leaps.

"Draco, that night, I think I fell in love with you."

I'm hugging you now. You're kissing my hair. 

I pull back and smile. It's the first real smile that's found its way to my lips since our night together. I know exactly what I want- No, what I _need_ to say.

"I fell for you too, Harry," I say as happy tears stream down my cheeks.

You pull me back to you and your lips meet mine in a soft kiss. And now I know.

I was right all along. I do mean something. 

A lot, in fact.

Just like you to me, I mean everything to you.

I am _not_ nothing.

~*~The End~*~


End file.
